PREPARING FOR THE DEATH OF A LOVED ONE

When a person enters the final stage of the dying process, two different dynamics are at work, which are closely interrelated and interdependent. On the physical plane, the body begins the final process of shutting down, which will end when all the physical systems cease to function. Usually this is an orderly and un-dramatic progressive series of physical changes which are not medical emergencies requiring invasive interventions.

These physical changes are a normal, natural way in which the body prepares itself to stop, and the most appropriate kinds of responses are comfort and enhancing measures.

The other dynamic of the dying process is a work on the emotional, spiritual, and mental planes and is a different kind of process. The “spirit” of the dying person begins the final process of release from the body, its immediate environment, and all attachments. This release from the body has its own priorities, which include the resolution of whatever is unfinished of a practical nature, reconciliation of close relationships, and reception of permission to “let go” from family members.

These “events” are the normal natural way in which the spirit prepares to move from this materialistically oriented realm of existence into the next dimension of life. The most appropriate kinds of response to the emotional, spiritual and mental changes are those which support and encourage this release and transition.

When a person’s body is ready and wanting to stop, but the person is still unresolved or un-reconciled over some important issue or with some significant relationship, he or she will tend to linger… even though very uncomfortable or debilitated… in order to finish whatever needs finishing.

On the other hand, when a person is emotionally, spiritually, and mentally resolved and ready for this release, but his / her body has not completed its final physical process, the person will continue to live until the physical shut down is completed.

The experience we call death occurs when the body completes its natural process of
shutting down and the “spirit” completes its natural process of reconciling and finishing.

These two processes need to happen in a way appropriate for the values, beliefs, and lifestyle of the dying person so the death can occur as a peaceful release.



Adapted from THE AMERICAN JOURNAL OF HOSPICE AND PALLIATIVE
CARE July / August 1992.
Revised 12/01/98